were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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