ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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