there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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