Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she looked like the before picture.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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