why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
