Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
