he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
