oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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