is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
