We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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