Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
