No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
