i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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