so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I just sharted jello shots
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