Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
bring money and cleavage
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
