it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
