worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
