Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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