the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
