Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
