Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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