It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
