I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
