Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
