So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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