guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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