U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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