Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
