I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All I want is dick and wine.
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