I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
