You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
