New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
