I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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