I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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