OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
