So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
