Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
