The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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