How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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