Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
