Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
