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I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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