I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
