Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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