Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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