Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
