Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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