I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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