It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
