then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
