I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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